


Lay All Your Love On Me

by txbris



Category: Persona 5
Genre: AU: And Nobody Died, Fluff, Morgana is not part of the polycule, Morgana is the Thieves' one brain cell, Multi, Persona 5 Spoilers, Polythieves (Persona 5), also partially an actual fic!, chatfic, extremely chaotic energy, no beta we die like Glenn Fireemblem, persona 5 royal spoilers, pushing my Goro/Yusuke agenda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26139910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txbris/pseuds/txbris
Summary: The game ends with Akira declaring the score "a million to him" and ignoring Goro's attempts to explain that you want the lowest score possible in golf. Ryuji drops to one knee and professes his love for Makoto in front of a nearby crowd, distracting her for long enough for Ann to swipe the golf buggy keys. Ann, Sumire, Futaba, Yusuke, and Akira proceed to drive off into the sunset, with "off into the sunset" meaning "right over a bump in the green and into a patch of sand, effectively destroying the golf buggy."All of them are banned for life from the mini-golf course.Alternatively: Some adventures of the poly!Thieves through January and summer of 20XX.
Relationships: Kurusu Akira/Phantom Thieves of Hearts, Phantom Thieves of Hearts/Phantom Thieves of Hearts
Comments: 17
Kudos: 114





	Lay All Your Love On Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CypherZero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CypherZero/gifts).



> Kay asked me to write "some fluffy P5R PolyThieves, and I would really love if it was partially (or even wholly!) a chatfic" and I sort of went wild with this. Please enjoy!

Sojiro chose to close up shop early today thanks to the torrential downpour outside scaring away any potential customers, but the Ace Detective made his way in anyway for his usual order. He's sat at his usual spot at the counter, contemplative, stirring a spoon in his mug with no actual direction or thought.

The thunder booms outside as lightning lashes across the sky, lighting up Goro's face. Sojiro watches him closely. Something seems different about him. He seems more relaxed, his body language looser. He usually sits so stiffly and speaks so formally that the current silence between the two is deeply unusual, but not uncomfortable.

As he's thinking of something to say, the door to Leblanc flies open and in pours a stream of people.

"Hey boss," Akira's soaking wet, rain running off him and directly onto the floor, and grinning like he's just won a contest.

"Hey boss!" the chorus of teenagers behind him add in unison.

Goro doesn't look up from his coffee, which almost unnerves Sojiro. Usually, the Ace Detective is eager to start his usual biting banter with Akira the second the latter steps through the door.

"Honey," Akira strides towards Goro, "I'm home!"

The Ace Detective finally looks up from his coffee, fixing Akira with a knowing smile, as the teenager cups Goro's jaw and gives him a soft kiss on the lips.

Hm. Sojiro probably should have been expecting that.

What Sojiro didn't expect, however, is Ryuji bounding over and kissing Goro so hard that he almost topples off his stool. Nor did he expect Makoto to join the pair, planting a gentle kiss on the top of Goro's head, nor did he expect Ann to practically lift the Ace Detective off his chair with the level of enthusiasm in her kiss.

Goro is buried under an avalanche of kisses from Yusuke, followed by a rather chaste kiss on the lips from Haru, a kiss on the forehead from Sumire, and a firm but polite handshake from Futaba.

Sojiro grunts. These kids are going to ruin his shop floor if they don't get dry soon. "Nobody move, I'll get you some towels."

He heads upstairs to locate some towels from a closet in Akira's room. Kids these days.

* * *

**Definitely Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 6:24pm: Joker (20XX) started a new chat thread.**

> **Joker (20XX):** Hello my beautiful other halves
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** That's a lot of halves
> 
> **Queen 👑:** It's at least 8 halves, which is 4 wholes.
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** heheh holes
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Ryuji.
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** yes maam
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Never mind.
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** Speaking of holes, I would love to partake in a game of mini-golf sometime.
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Everyone in favour of a mini-golf date this weekend say aye
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** aye bro
> 
> **M'lady:** I'm in!
> 
> **M'lady:** I mean aye! 💛
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** Aye! ❤️ 
> 
> **Pannther:** Aye~!
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** (*￣▽￣)b ᵃʸᵉ
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** A game of mini-golf would be delightful.
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Or aye, apologies.
> 
> **Queen 👑:** We've secured a route to Maruki's treasure and we still have plenty of time until the deadline, so I'm sure we can fit in a mini-golf date.
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** You gotta say the magic word
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Aye.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** MINI-GOLF IT IS 《《o(≧◇≦)o》》
> 
> **Pannther:** Not to get like, all down on everyone, but do we have plans for the summer~?
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** how is talkin about summer gettin us down
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** I believe it is because Akira will be heading back home, effectively leaving our polycule without a head.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** let's fight to establish a new leader of the polycule ヽ( ￣∀￣)ﾉ┌┛Σ(ノ ・Д・)ノ
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Guys I'm just going home
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I'm not dying
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** Here lies Akira. He will be missed.
> 
> **M'lady:** He died doing what he loved: being the head of our polycule.
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** Let's turn Senpai's funeral into an all-out brawl for dominance!
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** SUMI
> 
> **Pannther:** SUMIRE OH MY GO JDJSKJDFHSK
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Alright fine please prepare your eulogies for my funeral
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I expect at least 20 words on how nice my butt was
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Unless to plan to decompose immediately, I believe your butt would still be intact at your funeral.
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Nah I plan on dying in a very cool and radical way that means my butt is incinerated instantly
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** let's bring Yaldy back and throw rocks at him
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** He shoots me with the horny gun and I instantly explode
> 
> **Queen 👑:** We are NOT bringing back the Demiurge just so you can die to prove a point.
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Booooo
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** BOOOOOOO
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** But I never got to fight him! :(
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Neither did I.
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** All in favour of resurrecting ol' Yaldy in order to give Sumi and Goro a chance at kicking his ass say aye
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** Aye!
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Hmmmm.
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Aye.
> 
> **M'lady:** Aye!
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Okay, okay, the point has been made.
> 
> **Queen 👑:** And Ann's right, we should make summer plans.
> 
> **Pannther:** knbjnnnnnnn
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** Ann's been possessed by the ghost of Monamona (▰︶︹︺▰)
> 
> **MORGANA IS A VAN-A:** fffffffffff
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** (｡•́︿•̀｡)
> 
> **M'lady:** I think Mona is trying to tell us he's not dead!
> 
> **Pannther:** NO KSDJFJKSD I DROPPED SOME CREPE ON MY PHONE I'M SORRY JHFGJKDJHG
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Hey guys remember when Mona was a human for like a week
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** bro im tryin not 2 remember
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** I wonder if Mona would have joined our polycule if he had remained human?
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I am not dating my cat
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** I would.
> 
> **M'lady:** YUSUKE!
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** furyr
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** INARI IS A FURRY
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** furry
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** I am simply saying that human Mona was an incredibly handsome man.
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** If I were not so fond of you, Yusuke, I would perform a citizen's arrest on you.
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Does being an Ace Detective bestow upon you the power to perform citizen's arrests?
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** I can get away with most things.
> 
> **M'lady:** I've bought us the mini-golf tickets!
> 
> **> M'lady sent a photo.**
> 
> **M'lady:** Here's a screenshot of our booking ref!
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** Haru you've come so far with technology
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** I'm so proud (ฅ⁍̴̀◊⁍̴́)و ̑̑
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** Thank you, Haru-chan! ❤️
> 
> **M'lady:** You're welcome, Sumi!
> 
> **M'lady:** I think we should all make the best of our time before Akira has to go back home!
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I think it's time for me to propose the most intimate act a polycule can perform
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Ritualistic sacrifice?
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Bingo
> 
> **M'lady:** I'll fetch the sacrificial axe!
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** Who are we sacrificing?
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** how about that Mishima guy
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** NO
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I LIKE MISHIMA
> 
> **Pannther:** How about Goro's dad?
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** I am more than willing to sacrifice my father.
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** I will paint the scene.
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** I will need to purchase more red paints.
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Should I be putting a stop to this?
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** nope
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** if we gotta sacrifice goros shitty dad we gotta sacrifice goros shitty dad
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** I wonder how my father would feel if he knew that I was part of a polyamorous relationship.
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** He'd probably be all like
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I'm bald and I suck
> 
> **M'lady:** An accurate impression!
> 
> **Queen 👑:** I almost believed that Shido was with us in the chat.
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** It is eerily uncanny.
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** bro
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Sssh don't kill the vibe bro
> 
> **Pannther:** Brolycule
> 
> **Pannther:** SKJDFLKS SORRY I HAD A JOKE BUT I JUST HAD TO GET THE PUNCHLINE OUT FIRST
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** brolycule
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** It sounds cute!
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** is it pronounced like "bro-lee-cule" or like "brolly-cule"?
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Yes
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** A polycule comprised entirely of bros.
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Is there an equivalent for a polycule comprised entirely of girls?
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** bro transcends gnder my dude
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** gnder
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** GUNDER
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** GENDER: GUN
> 
> **Pannther:** KJSDLFKSDF
> 
> **Pannther:** GENDER: YALDY'S HORNY GUN
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Why do we always end up back here?
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** It's the trauma
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** The Phantom Thieves of Trauma!
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Perhaps we should all consider group therapy as a fun date.
> 
> **Queen 👑:** I'd say that mini-golf is a way cheaper replacement for group therapy.
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** I hate that you are correct.

* * *

Mini-golf goes exactly as expected. Haru's swing is so massively overpowered that they lose half their golf balls to the horizon, while Akira maintains that if he can drive the Mona Van, he can definitely drive a golf buggy.

"Firstly," Makoto says, snatching the buggy keys out of Akira's hand. "I drive Mona most of the time. Secondly, the golf buggy isn't sentient and won't stop you from driving into a lake."

Akira and Ryuji groan in unison, their plans of driving the buggy into the lake already foiled for the day.

"Hey, Monamona," Futaba crouches down to be on Morgana's eye level. "Turn into a golf buggy!"

"I can't turn into vehicles in the real world!" Morgana yowls.

"What if we just believe real hard?"

Futaba's eyes are gleaming with determination. Morgana sighs and returns to his assigned job of trying to retrieve Haru's lost golf balls from the nether.

"Akira!" Futaba points at him. "Call Maruki! Demand he turns Monamona into a golf buggy!"

Akira's phone is already halfway to his ear when Goro wrestles it out of his hand. He slips it into his jacket's inner pocket, out of Akira's reach, and returns to their game of mini-golf as though nothing just happened. They lost the scorecards four holes ago. Makoto swears that she's keeping track of scores in her head but, seeing as she's spending most of her time blushing while Ann talks her through various golf swings, Akira's pretty sure that the scores will just be hastily made up at the end of the game.

Meanwhile, Yusuke, Haru, and Ryuji are sharing Yusuke's rather garish scarf. It means that the three of them are having to golf in extremely close proximity, shuffling in unison to each ball when it's their respective turn. Akira's just impressed that the scarf is big enough for the trio to wear it together.

Goro, Sumire, and Futaba are somehow the only three taking the game seriously.

Akira uses this to his advantage, going in for a kiss on the cheek or literally sweeping one of his opponents off their feet when they're about to hit the ball. It ends in chaos when he attempts to dip Yusuke, sending Haru and Ryuji crashing to the ground and causing all four of them to get lost in a scarf-based labyrinth.

The game finally ends with Akira declaring the score "a million to him" and ignoring Goro's attempts to explain that you want the lowest score possible in golf. Ryuji drops to one knee and professes his love for Makoto in front of a nearby crowd, distracting her for long enough for Ann to swipe the golf buggy keys. Ann, Sumire, Futaba, Yusuke, and Akira proceed to drive off into the sunset, with "off into the sunset" meaning "right over a bump in the green and into a patch of sand, effectively destroying the golf buggy."

All of them are banned for life from the mini-golf course.

* * *

**Definitely Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 10:08am: ghostbonkin! started a new chat thread.**

> **ghostbonkin!:** hey brolycule
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** anyone up 4 a ramen date in shibuya
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** yours truly will be payin
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** I would be up for that, yes.
> 
> **Pannther:** Can we get ice-cream after~?
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** hell yea
> 
> **Pannther:** YESSSSSSSSS
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** ill meet u guys in shibuya at like two?
> 
> **Pannther:** 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** I will be there.
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I'd offer to grace you all with my sexy presence but I'm taking Haru and Makoto out for lunch
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Because I am a loving boyfriend
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** you keep telling yourself that :3c
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I WILL
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** Futaba, would you like to accompany me to an art gallery?
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** I feel you will enjoy the surrealist themes of the exhibit.
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** They are also giving away free mini-cakes.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** only if I can bring Sumi
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** Of course.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** WE'RE IN ⁽⁽◟(˃◟̵◞̵˂⁎=͟͟͞͞ ⁎˃◟̵◞̵˂)◞⁾⁾
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** Wonderful. I will be at your house at 11am.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** is there a dress code?
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Clothes
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** well there go my outfit plans <(｀^´)>
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** Please dress somewhat smartly.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** define "smartly"
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** The Cambridge dictionary defines "smartly" as "in a fashionable and slightly formal way."
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** can we kick Goro out the polycule
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** No
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** please
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Okay
> 
> **Pannther:** We should like, maybe put together a chart of who's dating who 😅
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I just assume I'm dating everyone
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** i think u are bro
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Good because I love you all
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** we love u too bro
> 
> **Pannther:** Why have one partner when you can have loads~! 💖
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Can I invite Maruki to join the polycule
> 
> **Pannther:** KJSDFKSDF NO!!!!!!!!!
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** no bro
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** That would be your worst idea to date.
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** And that is saying something.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** can't wait until we're fighting Maruki and Joker's master plan is to seduce him (」・ω・)」
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Haha no what
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Note to self: find new master plan
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** bro
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** What can I say
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Power is sexy
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** I must agree that Maruki is, indeed, a fascinating and handsome man.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** THE GOD THERAPIST IS NOT JOINING THE POLYCULE
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** BUT HE'S SO HOT
> 
> **Pannther:** NO!!!!!!!!
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Where is the block button in this app?
> 
> **> SPACE INVADERS EMOJI kicked Joker (20XX) from the chat.**
> 
> **> SPACE INVADERS EMOJI kicked Leonardo DaPinchy from the chat.**
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** you're welcome >:3
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Thank you.

* * *

It's a cold evening, typical of late January, and the Phantom Thieves are curled up together in a booth in Leblanc.

Sojiro isn't too sure how they've managed to fit nine people in just one booth but hey, he's seen weirder things in his time. He's used to whatever this is by now. He can even sort of understand it. The boy seems to radiate some sort of energy that just draws people to him - like a guiding light to help those in need. A fire that doesn't burn down those around him, but rather illuminates their path.

He smiles into his coffee. He wonders what Wakaba would say about Sojiro having such a soft spot for these kids.

"So," Makoto addresses the entire table. She's sat on Haru's lap, with the two of them somehow also nestled into Yusuke's side at the same time. "We should make those summer plans."

"Beach party," Futaba replies instantly. She's sat between Yusuke and Sumire, one hand carefully holding Sumire's hand under the table and the other hand fussing Morgana, who's rolling around on the booth table with a blatant air of disregard for any local health and safety laws.

"Hell yeah!" Ryuji grins, pumping one fist in the air in a victorious gesture. He's sat on Ann's lap, one arm resting lovingly around her shoulders, with the two of them opposite Makoto and Haru. Akira's to his right, with Goro sitting at the end of the booth bench.

"Which beach?" Makoto asks.

"Dunno," Futaba half-shrugs. "Akira! Beaches near you! Name them!"

Akira looks up from where he's pouring a heinous amount of cream into his coffee. "Uh, Big Ryuji?"

"Bro."

"Futaba asked me to name them!"

Laughter breaks out amongst the group. Even Goro manages a chuckle.

"I do have them near me," Akira clarifies, letting Goro wrestle the cream jug out of his hand.

"This is for your own good," Goro mutters.

Akira continues talking, undeterred. "I'll have to get a bigger bed if you're all coming to visit, though."

"Floor party!" Futaba says.

"I was going to suggest that Makoto and I team up to ensure that we're using the largest amount of space in the most efficient way in Akira's room, but I suppose 'floor party' shall also suffice," Goro says.

"Tactical floor party?" Futaba offers.

"Tactical floor party."

The group continue to discuss the topic for a while. Akira reveals that he has a roller rink in his neighbourhood, much to Ann's unbridled delight, and Makoto says that the group can always rent a van that she could drive. Haru suggests that they go cross-country, following Sumire on her gymnastics tour. The idea is met with nothing but enthusiastic agreement.

As the conversation predictably steers off into uncharted territory and Akira and Yusuke start the most convoluted game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun, Larger Gun, Dragon, Morgana, Morgana With A Gun, Morgana Van, Yaldabaoth ever attempted, Sojiro clears his throat.

"Are you kids ever gonna explain to me what this is?" he asks.

"This?" Akira looks over at the coffee shop owner. "Well, you know Rock, Paper, Scissors-"

"I meant what's going on with you all," Sojiro interrupts before Akira can even start explaining the rules of the game. "Are you all dating each other?"

The Thieves share several looks.

"I'm definitely dating everyone," Akira eventually replies.

"I know I'm dating Ann and Sumi," Futaba adds.

Yusuke looks confused. "I thought we were dating?"

"Guess I'm dating Inari, too." Futaba gives him a friendly pat on the head, which requires her literally standing up in the booth in order to reach.

Ann's twirling some of her hair around one finger. "I think I'm like, dating almost everyone?"

"We're definitely dating!" Haru pipes up. She squeezes Makoto's waist. "I'm dating Mako-chan, too! And Ryuji! And Akira! And Yusuke!"

Makoto leans into Haru's embrace, one hand curled around her mug of steaming coffee. "I think I just go with the flow at this point."

Eyes turn to Ryuji. He gives a nonchalant shrug. "I also just kinda go with whatever, bro."

"I echo these sentiments," Yusuke nods sagely. "I appreciate and value you all and am down for, and I quote, 'whatever'."

Ryuji leans across the table to high five Yusuke and Makoto simultaneously. He grabs both their hands and quickly plants a kiss on both as they're pulling back, causing Yusuke's eyes to widen in surprise and for Makoto to let out a giggle.

"What about you, Sumire?" Sojiro inquires. He's trying to make it sound friendly and non-intimidating but, given his gruff exterior, it comes out as more of an interrogation than a casual question.

Sumire is bright red. Her face almost matches her hair.

"I-I know I'm dating Senpai and Futaba!" she manages. "A-and I would be flattered if any of the other Phantom Senpais wanted to date me!"

"The Phantom Senpais?" Sojiro repeats.

Burying her face in her hands, Sumire just lets out a mournful squeak. A mixture of soft "awww"s and loving laughter echoes around the table, with Akira leaning over the booth to lovingly pull her hands away and give her a kiss on the forehead.

"I think it's a cute nickname," Akira grins. "We should have gone with that from the start, really."

"The Phantom Senpais!" Futaba strikes a superhero pose. "Here to steal hearts and- uh, date each other!"

Goro has been drinking his coffee for almost two minutes straight now. It's becoming obvious that he's attempting to avoid the question so, naturally, Sojiro turns his focus to the Ace Detective. He considers it payback for all those nights he had to spend watching Akira and Goro flirt with each other.

"And you, Akechi-kun?" he smiles.

"Well," Goro finally lowers his cup. "I believe I may be dating Akira and Yusuke."

Ryuji feigns sadness. "Bro, I thought what we had was real!"

"And Ryuji," Goro amends his statement. Ryuji grins, reaching across Akira to clap Goro lovingly on the shoulder and kiss him on the temple. He bends down to give Akira a quick kiss on the forehead as he's moving back but Akira beats him to the punch, pulling him down by the front of the shirt and kissing him passionately instead.

Coffee goes everywhere.

"Ah, fu-" Akira cuts himself off before the swear word makes it fully out of his mouth. "We'll clean it up, Sojiro!"

"You will," Sojiro replies sternly. It's a front, of course - he's not really mad at them. "I'm heading home for the night. Remember to lock up before you go to bed."

"Yes, boss!" comes the chorus.

* * *

**Definitely Not The Phantom Thieves**

**> 1:22pm: Queen 👑 started a new chat thread.**

> **Queen 👑:** Are we all ready for tomorrow?
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** yea!
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** also whats happenin tomorrow
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** AAAA
> 
> **Queen 👑:** We're going up against Maruki.
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** ITS MARUKI AINT IT
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Yes.
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I just want you all to know that regardless of what happens in there
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I love you all
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Also it was me who ate the last cupcake that one time
> 
> **Pannther:** HWAT THE FCUCK
> 
> **Pannther:** YOU BASTARD
> 
> **Pannther:** I blamed Ryuji for that for months 😭😭😭
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** i am retirbieved at last
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** idk the word for it
> 
> **Pannther:** Uhhhhhhhh
> 
> **Pannther:** @ _Queen 👑_?
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Uh,
> 
> **Queen 👑:** I honestly have no idea.
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** yknow
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** like when ur declared not guilty
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Redeemed?
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** idk bro ur meant 2 be the smart ones here
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I traded in my last brain cells for 50% off ramen
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Acquitted?
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** nah it starts with an r
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Reprieved?
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** sure why not
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** And to answer your question, Makoto, I am ready.
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Akira and I have already spoken to Maruki and rejected his false reality.
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** Did it go okay?
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** It was a little bit like seeing your teacher in the supermarket and realising they're a human too
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Except by "human" I mean "guy who has become obsessed with reshaping reality to his will"
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** so any Sims player ever
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Fuck Pool Ladders 20XX
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** Ψ(☆ｗ☆)Ψ
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** mwehehehe
> 
> **M'lady:** So we head in tomorrow!
> 
> **Queen 👑:** We don't know what's going to happen after the fight, so we should make the most of it while we can.
> 
> **Leonardo DaPinchy:** May I suggest a sleepover at Akira's?
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I second this
> 
> **Pannther:** I third it~!
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** fourth
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** fifth!
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** I believe I have already beaten you all to it.
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Hey
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I was here first!
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Morgana says that he was here first.
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** I know how we can settle this!
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** PHANTOM THIEF RACE TO SHIBUYA SQUARE!
> 
> **Pannther:** Futaba's influence is really rubbing off on you, huh 😅
> 
> **> Queen 👑 sent a photo.**
> 
> **Queen 👑:** I think I've won this race?
> 
> **M'lady:** Mako-chan!
> 
> **> M'lady sent a photo.**
> 
> **M'lady:** I'm just across the street from you! 💛💛💛
> 
> **> **Leonardo DaPinchy sent a photo.****
> 
> ****Leonardo DaPinchy:**** It appears we all had the same idea to come to Shibuya tonight.
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** im just playin videogames in my pants
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** SAME
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** (☞ •̀ω•́ )☞
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** But consider
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** You could be playing videogames
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** In your pants
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** In my bedroom
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** im omw bro
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Please remember to put on pants before leaving the house, Ryuji.
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** im omw in a moment bro
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Yusuke, Haru, and I will also head over.
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Does anyone want anything from Shibuya?
> 
> **Pannther:** MAKO-CHAN I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER IF YOU CAN GET ME SOME COOKIES
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** I'll take a sense of purpose
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** AND A SWORD
> 
> **Queen 👑:** I'll see what I can do.
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Ryuji, Sumire, Akechi, would you like anything?
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** surprise me
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** I will be fine, thank you.
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** Sorry, everyone!
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** My phone was acting up again :(
> 
> **Senpai 2: This Time It's Personal:** Give me a moment to catch up on the chat!
> 
> **Queen 👑:** Of course! Take your time.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** I'll be over once I beat these noobs
> 
> **ghostbonkin!:** whatcha playin
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** Club Penguin
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** Tip! That! Iceberg!
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Pardon my ignorance, but didn't Club Penguin shut down a few years ago?
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** yep!
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** this is a privately hosted server with the entire game code injected onto it
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** Fascinating.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** wait
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** how did you know about Club Penguin shutting down?
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** _**[MESSAGE DELETED BY USER]**_
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** （＊〇□〇）……！
> 
> **Detective Asskechi:** And nobody will ever believe you if you tell them.
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** BETRAYAL
> 
> **Joker (20XX):** What did he say
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** "I spent many nights tearing it up on the dancefloor under the moniker "DetectivePeng2"."
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** ORACLE REMEMBERS ALL σ(●ﾟ┏∀┛｡●)ﾉ
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** also I installed keyloggers on all your devices
> 
> **SPACE INVADERS EMOJI:** Ryuji, you really need to get a stronger password than password1235

* * *

The Phantom Thieves are extremely good at two things: stealing hearts and building blanket forts.

They're all spread out on the floor of Akira's attic room, reclining on cushions and blankets and whatever other soft items they could find, watching some terrible rom-com from 20 years ago. It's awful. They love it.

"You know," Ann chews on a cookie thoughtfully. "If they just took five minutes to like, talk, this movie would be two hours shorter."

"If it were two hours shorter, there wouldn't be a movie," Makoto replies. She's using Ryuji's thighs as a pillow. Ryuji and Futaba are engaged in an eerily silent game of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, with the click of their Joy-Cons being the only sound coming from either of them.

"Exactly."

"You'd still need five minutes for the talking, though," Goro points out from where he's lazily splayed between Yusuke's legs. Yusuke has him in some sort of affectionate sleeper hold. The two of them somehow look incredibly comfortable and Akira is a little jealous.

Speaking of Akira, he's sat in a toboggan-esque cuddling pose with Haru cuddling Akira and Akira, in turn, cuddling Sumire. It's warm. It's fun. He's thinking that he should propose a nine-person cuddle session in this style sometime.

Ann throws her cookie at Goro. It bounces off his head and into his lap. He picks it up and eats it.

"Gross," she sticks her tongue out in mock-disgust.

"Three-second rule," Goro replies matter-of-factly.

As Futaba wins the twelfth game of Smash in a row, Ryuji carefully places his Joy-Cons on the floor before dramatically flopping backwards into a blanket pile.

"How's she so good at Smash?!" he laments.

Makoto, still using Ryuji as a pillow, pats his knee comfortingly. "There, there."

The movie credits eventually roll and Akira glances around. At some point during the film, the Thieves have managed to shift into one big cuddle pile and Akira finds himself between Goro and Sumire, with Morgana asleep on his arm. He's not sure if they're asleep.

"Hey," Akira whispers.

Goro and Sumire both turn to look at him.

"You good?" he wriggles his arm out from under Morgana to give them a thumbs up.

Goro scoffs. Sumire beams.

"I'm good!" she whispers back. "Nervous."

"It'd be weird if you weren't."

She fidgets, turning onto her side. "We're gonna be okay, right, Senpai?"

Akira shares a look with Goro, which probably does very little to assuage Sumire's worries.

"Of course," Goro replies quietly. "Our plans are foolproof."

"I'd like to point out that we foiled all of your plans so far," Akira reaches over to tap him on the nose, making a 'boop!' noise as he does. Sumire giggles. Futaba stirs next to her, but lets out a soft snore almost immediately after.

Goro grabs Akira's hand. "Now we're acting together, thus making our plans foolproof."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"I can and I will."

Morgana stretches in his sleep, curling up into a tiny kitty ball. Sumire and Akira pause to coo over him. Goro takes advantage of the pause to drop Akira's hand and drape himself over him like a blanket. Sumire responds by shuffling even closer to Akira.

"Guys," Akira grins. "I have two hands, you know."

"What do you mean?" Sumire asks.

Akira slips one of his hands into Sumire's grasp while gently taking hold of Goro's in the other. It's a romantic gesture, even if he has to twist a little weirdly to reach Goro's hand and he knows that his spine is going to regret this in the morning.

"I think he's saying there's enough of him to go around," Goro murmurs.

He's right, of course. Akira's made of love.

* * *

**HOT THIEF SUMMER**

**> 9:15am: Ann started a new chat thread.**

> **Ann:** @ _Akira_ WE'RE ON OUR WAY KLDJFSKLJDF
> 
> **Ann:** I mean we like, have to pick up the others first but then we'll be there 😅💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
> 
> **Ryuji:** BROOOOOOO
> 
> **Futaba:** I CALL DIBS ON THE LARGEST BLANKET PILE
> 
> **Sumire:** I call dibs on the blanket pile that offers the best support for my spine!
> 
> **Ann:** Mako-chan says our ETA is about 7:30pm!
> 
> **Akira:** Reading you loud and clear
> 
> **Akira:** I will go stand outside my house right now
> 
> **Akira:** Holding up a giant sign that says "I LOVE THE POLYCULE"
> 
> **Ryuji:** you mean the brolycule bro
> 
> **Akira:** The bicycle
> 
> **Akira:** *BROLYCUTE
> 
> **Akira:** BROLYCULE!!!!!
> 
> **Yusuke:** I fear the ice-cream that I packed in my bag will not survive the trip.
> 
> **Ryuji:** BRO U BROUGH ICECREAM
> 
> **Ryuji:** bro lets eat it b4 we get in the van
> 
> **Ryuji:** so makochan doesnt yell at us for gettin dairy products on the upholstery
> 
> **Ann:** That was like, one of the most non-Ryuji sentences I've ever read
> 
> **Ryuji:** ive been readin books!
> 
> **Ryuji:** mostly just comics
> 
> **Ryuji:** entirely comics
> 
> **Ryuji:** ok its just manga
> 
> **Ryuji:** why am i the only one typin
> 
> **> Yusuke sent a gif.**
> 
> **Ryuji:** oh i love u too bro
> 
> **Yusuke:** I apologise, I was eating all the ice-cream and I touched the wrong thing on my phone.
> 
> **Ryuji:** BRO
> 
> **Yusuke:** I have saved you some.
> 
> **Ryuji:** oh bro
> 
> **Goro:** Have we decided how we will be sitting in the van?
> 
> **Futaba:** I CALL DIBS ON THE PASSENGER SEAT
> 
> **Ann:** Mako-chan says that Sumire's riding shotgun so she can teach her the basics of driving!
> 
> **Sumire:** Please tell Makoto-senpai that I said thank you!
> 
> **Sumire:** I'll sit by you on the way back, though, Futaba!
> 
> **Futaba:** ٩(♡ε♡ )۶
> 
> **Futaba:** I'm bringing my laptop which has every episode of Phoenix Ranger Featherman R on it !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑
> 
> **Ryuji:** im sittin next 2 futaba
> 
> **Futaba:** (⊃ • ʖ̫ • )⊃
> 
> **Haru:** May I also join you two?
> 
> **Futaba:** ───==≡≡ΣΣ(づ￣ ³￣)づ
> 
> **Futaba:** I have a headphone splitter so that's no problem!
> 
> **Ann:** Guess I'll move to the back then? 😅
> 
> **Yusuke:** I shall join you.
> 
> **Goro:** Please dispose of the ice-cream before getting into the van.
> 
> **Yusuke:** ^_^b
> 
> **Futaba:** DID INARI JUST ATTEMPT AN EMOJI
> 
> **Ann:** JKSHDFKJSD OMG
> 
> **Akira:** I'm so proud
> 
> **Akira:** Whoever sees him first, give him a kiss from me
> 
> **Ryuji:** way ahead of u bro
> 
> **Ryuji:** gonna kiss hte ice cream outta his mouth
> 
> **Yusuke:** Should I stop chewing, then?
> 
> **Ryuji:** feed me like a baby bird bro
> 
> **Futaba:** (‡▼益▼)

* * *

Seeing the rental van with all his friends - and other halves - pull up in front of his house is the best feeling that Akira's felt since they defeated Maruki and returned reality to its normal state. His heart is practically beating out of his chest.

Morgana leaps off his shoulders and starts scratching at the van door, yowling for pets. Haru pulls the door open and hops out, scooping up Mona in her arms, as the other passengers exit the van to stretch their limbs and bury Akira in hugs and kisses.

"Bro!" Ryuji ruffles his hair playfully after planting a series of kisses across his face. "We missed ya!"

Ann throws herself at Akira and gives him a kiss that rivals the romantic-moment kiss in movies. Film critics would be proud.

"We missed you soooo much!" she nods. "Tokyo is soooo boring without you!"

Morgana meows. "What about me?!"

"We missed you too, Mona!" Ann heads over to Haru to give Morgana some scritches behind his ear.

Goro hugs Akira so hard that all the air briefly leaves his lungs.

"I've still got your glove," Akira breathes into his ear. Goro says nothing, but gives him a kiss on the neck.

The second Goro steps back, both Futaba and Sumire smother Akira in hugs. Makoto sneaks up behind him and wraps her arms around his waist.

"It's good to see you again," Makoto says, calm and collected as ever.

Yusuke manages to wriggle his way in between Futaba and Makoto, kissing Akira on the cheek before giving Makoto a kiss and thanking her for her driving.

"Yusuke," Makoto says sternly. "Did you spill ice-cream in the rental van?"

"I cannot provide an answer to that that won't get me in any further trouble."

Having handed Morgana over to Ryuji for them to start their usual arguments over whatever the hot topic is this time, Haru also joins the cuddle horde.

"It hasn't been the same without you," Haru admits.

"Guys," Akira lifts his head to address the group formerly known as the Phantom Thieves of Hearts. "You saw me literally last month."

"We still miss you!" Sumire says.

"I'm starting to think I should just move back to Tokyo," Akira says half-jokingly.

His proposal is met with a chorus of approval.

Akira sighs happily, closes his eyes, and thinks about the letter in his bedroom from Sojiro saying that he's always welcome to move back into Leblanc if he ever wants a job. He even said that he'd fix the creaky window above the attic bed. He'd also get him an actual bed.

One more year. Then he's free to be back with the people he loves.

**Author's Note:**

> narrator voice: and then Akira said "fuck being home" and moved back to Tokyo a year early, finishing his last year at Shujin and working at Leblanc and they all lived happily ever after.
> 
> You can consider this an adjacent/AU fic to my [Several people are typing...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23671924/chapters/56827033) fic because I stole some of my own dynamics from there. It's not plagiarism if you're the OG author, right?
> 
> Please free to follow me on Twitter at [@kula3h](https://twitter.com/kula3h) for Persona and FE posting! (no pressure though!)


End file.
